Dear Diary...

Two things, 

First - It seems I met an interesting little fishy on POF. He is a pilot, and he's funny. And really tall. He's also totally not what I usually go for so, points for me for stepping out of my box. It's just conversation right now... but we'll see.

Second - I decided I'm not going to go to paradise with Mr. Perfect. As much fun as I know we would have, and has wonderful as he is, getting into anything with him is just too complicated. He's amazing and generous and ready to make a girl very happy - but I'm just not there.

I'll probably have to stop talking to him altogether I think. Which makes me sad, because I know I'm passing up a guy you're not supposed to pass up... and also because this was the closest I've been to having sex (and a vacation) in 6 months.

motherfffff....

(From the Archives) 10 Reasons....

... Why Guys Are Lucky To Have Us.

10. Because we will fight to the death (almost) to protect what's ours.
9. Because we will champion their causes, ambitions and dreams no matter how formidable or far fetched.
8. Because we put up with their annoying, clingy, and territorial mothers.
7. Because we tell them their ideas are smart, even when they aren't.
6. Because we actually like taking care of & doing special things for them, even though we might say otherwise.
5. Because we forgive a lot of things we shouldn't.
4. Because we'll suffer through a brazillian wax if it means a smile on his birthday.
3. Because we'll ditch our friends for the 100th time in a row if he asks us to.
2. Because even though we're the smarter and stronger sex, we play dumb and helpless to make him feel important.
1. Because we'll be his little sex kitten after a long days work even when we're feeling bloated, stressed, and tired from one ourselves.

 

The End of An Era...

FUCK.

One of my best friends just got engaged.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for her. She's amazing & he is too, and they are definitely not going to get divorced or anything - but it depressed me. 

Not in like a "I want to get married too" kind of way, no, more just like "damn it, not another one". 

I know, I know, I'm awful for thinking that. But I'm also being honest. I mean, it's just another reminder that IT is happening to me. You know what I'm talking about, that point in your life where literally EVERYONE you know is either getting married or having babies, or planning for it.

Yes it's wonderful for them & you're happy they're happy, but it's really hard ignore the whole shrinking circle part and not get bummed about it. To not feel more & more alone.

So while they're all enjoying having life figured out, you're all like, "Wtf are you doing you moron? You had a perfectly good relationship (even though it actually turned out to be shit), a fully furnished apartment with real, grown-up furniture (and plants), and had real, adult couple stuff like a baby name list, and a shared wireless network password. And you left it all for what? Happiness? ...You idiot."

And sure, it's fun being single, at first. But then one month turns into two, and then two in to four, and next thing you know it's six months down the line and you're only flirt fix is texting an old college friend who's long since moved away, and pretending that Olivia Pope's torrid love affair is enough for the both of you.

So life sends you these little "gifts" of reality - brokeness, friend's engagements, anxiety attacks - to snap you out of it & remind you that no, having a life doesn't "just happen" to you anymore. Things are much different these days - you have to work for it.

And until you realize that, slowly but surely, each and every one of your friends will be taken away from you.

... time for a change little one.

Love Quotes...

"Each time you happen to me all over again"

Edith Wharton, The Age of Innocence

...sigh.

POF: First Impressions...

Right so it's been about 10 days since I signed up to POF.

So far, it's pretty awful.

I've received messages from about 100 or so guys - 5 of whom I blocked immediately because of d*ck pics (gross, and all small so really what's the point?), and 3 which I think I'm about to because at this point I'm just getting harassed (seriously, 7 messages unanswered & they're still writing - more aggressively now mind you).

I haven't responded to a single one.

Well, that's not true, there was one guy, but it was because he recognized me from school & wanted to say hi. He's cute, and we had a few back & forths, but he was so self-deprecating that he talked me out of any interest I might have had in getting to know him better before I could consider it . (Time to find a new shtick, buddy)

But seriously, I haven't seen anyone that's made me want to write him.

And yes I may be judging a book by it's cover, but you know what, I kind of have to. I'm looking for a date here, not a pen pal. So I want a guy a that makes my kitty purr I'm actually physically attracted to - sue me. I'm the one who's going to have to be kissing him, isn't it natural that I should want to? I think so. And I'm not saying that he needs to be cookie-cutter good-looking (though, I wouldn't exactly be opposed to that), but he should at least be attractive to me.

I mean, appearance is a huge part of the first impression, and even more so on a dating site because of the fact that most of us are too lazy to think up an interesting, clever write up about ourselves. (Also, way too many damn song lyrics as the About Me's on POF. So corny.)

I wish I could say it was me, and that I'm just being too picky, because then I could change that. But the truth is, I'm not. Yes, I have a certain criteria that I'm looking for - you know, like male and not totally hideous, perverted or weird - but, when I say that I'm open minded, I actually meant it. I'm totally willing to date outside my of "type" and comfort zone this time around. In fact, I'm almost ruling out what I usually go for. 

So I'm not sure if its the site (probably, I mean it is free) or the city I live in (while we are known for our beautiful women, literally nothing has good ever been said about the men here. Ever) - but so far, no one's caught my eye.

And I refuse to believe that I'm asking for too much. A cute guy that's clever & witty, generally happy with his life, and at the very least, sparks my curiosity is not far fetched. 

So for now, I'm still fishing, waiting for one picture that I want to click on, one profile that reassures me that dating in this city isn't going to be so bad.

For that, I'll write back.

But not for this:

Crouching ...Waiter? Hidden Dignity

So much going on here. So much.

 Mmmm, nose hairs. My favorite.

 Artsy! But, no.

Next.

 Maybe. If I was into Hobbits.

Excuse me, Mr. MajorLix is it? You're doing this wrong  - you see, 
I'm not supposed to know this is not you.

Catching Up...

Well, happy Monday all.

I know, I've been a little quiet over the last several days, sorry. It's just that I've been little distracted by things - 2 real boys, 22 imaginary ones, 1 proposition, and lots & lots of alcohol. 

But I'm here to share now, so doesn't that count for something? Maybe not. But don't worry you'll have more soon since I'm writing a crap load today. In the meantime, here's the low down on why I've been MIA the last week or so...

1) It's NHL playoffs, and I live in Montreal. If this doesn't mean anything to you, Google the Habs - we basically invented Hockey. Anyway, the city is seriously off it's rocker right now - and it's totally awesome. Bars are standing room only, seas of red & white jerseys everywhere, one channel on TV and one topic in the papers. Hockey rules all. 

So, as you can imagine, most of my nights are being spent in front of a TV (any TV) cheering on our boys and screaming "Not the face! NOT IN THE FACE!" as I watch my baby's gloves come off to fight every other two minutes - not writing. (Seriously though, hockey players are SO HOT when they're angry

2) In addition to hockey fever, it's finally feeling like summer again. It's like we skipped spring entirely and have jumped right into skirt & crop top season literally over night. The terasses are full, the nights are longer, and suddenly staying out 'til 1 am on a Tuesday isn't such a huge deal. I needed a week to soak it in, you know, get my single summer groove back on. So far I've picked up 4 older men, 2 nerds and 1 lesbian. Not good. This is why we start early...

3) I'm stressing about a vacation invite, from a guy. I know what you're gonna say "what's there to stress about? Free + Sun + (probably) Sex = Awesome". Well, while the idea of a free trip to paradise sounds amazing, and with that glorious paradise sex (finally) - it's with a guy that is definitely looking for a lot more from me than I am currently able to give. He's Mr. Perfect. Any girl would be lucky to have him. I'm just not totally sure that he's Mr. Perfect for me, right now. So yeah, I'm kinda stressed about this sitch. (details to come, promise)

4) I've re-connected with an old friend - one of my college crushes actually - and he's keeping me busy. After I posted that open letter, he reached out to me with the loveliest apology (even though it wasn't necessary) and we got to talking again. Despite whatever happened between us in university, we've made-up, and have been in touch just about everyday since. I don't think I realized how much I missed our friendship until I got it back again. And he's also made me realize a lot of things about myself & what's important to me that I'm not sure I would have if I hadn't started speaking to him again, so that's nice. Also, having a boy to talk to in general is so much fun. (more to come on this one too).

So there you have it, my distractions. Terribly exciting I know. 

Hey, I'm working on it ok? Summer is coming, so I'll have interesting stories for you soon enough. In fact, I decided today that I will message 2 potentials back on POF, see where things go. At the very least, it's 2 free dinners & a blog post each. 

Stay tuned...

Dating Aids...

So, I did it. I signed up to an online dating site last night.

I tried it out several years ago, but I was in university back then, I lived downtown, so I didn't really need to meet people online or take it very seriously.

That’s changed now.

I’m old. (er)

I need aids.

Not AIDS aids, just old people aids. Like a hearing aid, but for dating. Ok I think you get it...

But yeah, I need them because, well, I don’t have a life anymore. Omg I can’t believe I just wrote that. (cue the cats)

I have a full-time J.O.B, and exactly 0.0 single friends.

I can’t turn to the people I work with to set me up because if they’re any indication of who they know well then, just, no – and my coupled-up friends don’t have time to help me with my love life because they're too busy wrapped up in their own. (selfish bastards)

Actually, I’m thinking of getting a part-time job just to meet new people.

Did you hear that? That’s how desperate I am right now. I am willing to cut down on the little free "me time" I have, to take on a 2nd job to meet someone. Anyone with a penis.

God, this is so depressing. And the prospects even more so.

I'm not ready to update you on what exactly I'm finding, but let me tell you, it's good. And by good I mean absolutely dreadful.

Stay tuned...

 

Yup.

Crazy Twitter Love ...

Right, so you know how I said that I was going to push myself to be vulnerable this year? Well, you gotta start somewhere - so I did.

I DM'd my Twitter crush.  (this is a BIG DEAL, ok ppl?)

*Not PK - I'm not ready for that yet - this is my other Twitter crush (TC).

I can't tell you his name because I'm giving you the convo, and if I give you his name and the convo well, then that's just too embarrassing for me. Also, since he followed me back (homg squeal!), there is a chance he'll see this post should he ever decide to explore and click the link on my profile - probably not, but still, I should save him the embarrassment just in case.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this because I think there is an educational element here. And by educational I mean in a "here's what actually goes on in an sex/male attention in general starved twenty-something year old's head behind that Keep Calm & Single On attitude she's trying to exude". PURE CRAZINESS. Also, I may or may not have any girlfriends who would actually care to hear about this - because, well they're in real relationships with real people and don't need things like "a twitter" to make the day go by. (FU)

Ok so, some background: He's a writer for a late night cartoon, and is the funniest person I follow on twitter - hence the crush, naturally. He "liked" my selfie AND followed me back. (also BIG DEALS)

...

Me: Thanks for the follow! I pretty much live for your tweets, so that just made my day :D

Cute, simple & with just a hint of extra friendliness.

TC: (5 hours later) Lol. Hey! No Doubt ;) how are you. Thanks for liking my ridiculous thoughts.

Oooohh, a question! This would insinuate intentional prolongation of the conversation! Also, an exclamation point - why? Because he's excited about how cute I am? Because he's excited to have a DM? Because he's generally hyper & excited person? I will choose option 1. Oh, and look, a winky face too. International symbol for "how YOU doin'?".

Me: Lol, I'm quite good, how about you? Ridiculous maybe, but hilarious nonetheless - apologies in advance for all the favouriting to come ;)

I returned his question. This shows I'm caring, and not selfish. It also shows I'm here to talk. Also, he self-deprecated, I picked him back up. Complements are for boys too. (extra points for me.) Also, I let him know that there will be more interaction between our two accounts to come - but when? Mysteryyyyy....

TC: I'm good. Heading home for the day! Well - thanks for the likes in advance. Will try my hardest to get you to not unfollow me lol.

Damn. Did he just blow me off? What does he mean "well  - thanks for the likes"? He opened up the conversation with me - he can't just close it like that. Wtv, it's not like I wanted anything with that asshole anyway. He can't even punctuate properly. Some writer. Wait  - did he say he will try his hardest to not make me un-follow him? That sounds pretty hard. He must REALLY want me to follow him. ...Ok.

Me: Not likely, have gave a good one... ;)

HOW YOU DOIN'?

TC: You too :)

He wishes the best for me. Because he loves me. We are in love. He just doesn't know it yet. 

See? Told you ... totally bonkers.